I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
