OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
