omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
