Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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