pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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