I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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