There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize