She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
