It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
