If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
