I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
