It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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