Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
