Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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