Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He better not be in your backpack
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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