I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
