I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
