How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize