break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
