READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
