So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
