shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
