I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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