and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
