how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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