I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize