i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we're so committed to being not committed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
