I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
