fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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