its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I want a musical about memes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
