My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
