if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
