my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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