I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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