After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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