She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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