I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
