i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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