my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize