i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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