a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize