Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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