I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
