I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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