I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Alive.
So much puke
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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