Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
