You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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