someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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