The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize