It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize