um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
