My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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