I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
