I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
