I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
