hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
