420 ftw
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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