My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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