Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
