she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
