I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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