Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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