God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
