i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
